Q: “How do I not get overwhelmed by strong healthy masculine energy? I see/meet a man who is gives off the “strong but silent” type vibe (very masculine, rooted etc) and I get so nervous and overwhelmed! I become embarrassed, shy, and feel insecure. I’m attracted to the energy but I don’t know how to control myself.”
A: It’s very normal and healthy to feel stimulated around someone that you’re attracted to. How do you know you’re not simply excited? How would you feel about replacing “nervous and insecure” with “hot and bothered.” Is it possible you’ve been framing your physical reaction to him in an unnecessarily negative light?
If you feel like you’re unusually stressed to the point where you can’t enjoy your interactions with him at all, you may need to strengthen your nervous system. Make sure you’re well fed, rested and grounded before you see each other. Eat some red meat with fat on it. I strongly recommend magnesium glycinate supplements to pretty much everyone. You can read my blog post “How to Stay Unf*ckwithable” for more info on nervous system health.
If your nervous system is healthy and you feel like your issue is more about your attitude towards men and romance, you may benefit from getting out of your own head. We have a lot of conditioning in our culture that takes us out of our body and into our heads. We think too much about everything, especially about relationships and what other people think of us. Overthinking your connection is not helping you actually connect to him. So I want you to focus on two things: First, your enjoyment of your bodily experience. Second, how his ENERGY feels.
- Focus on enjoying how your physical experience feels – slow waaaay down, slow your breathing down, walk slowly, eat slowly, notice how your clothes feel, how the breeze feels, how delicious your meal is, how your heart feels. Feel with all of your senses, and appreciate and enjoy all of it.
- As for how to focus on how his energy feels – listen with your whole body. Most people do not pay complete attention to each other. We’re all so over-saturated with stimulus from the media that someone who listens to us COMPLETELY is exceedingly rare, and we are all thirsty for undivided attention. Because attention is what creates connection. So pay attention to HIM! Stop worrying about how nervous you are and actually just focus on what he’s saying. Listen to him sincerely and even platonically, the way you’d listen to your best friend or beloved family member when they’re sharing something really special with you. Not with your brain, but with your whole body and soul and without judgement or expectations of him or for yourself.
So to recap: Reframe your beliefs, strengthen your nervous system, and stop overthinking so you can enjoy your body, appreciate the moment, give him your full attention, and actually enjoy his energy and the energy growing between you.”
This is a shortened version of my response. If you’d like to read the full version, including more tips on how to connect with your own body and what to do when the man you’re into is not very talkative, you may do so by applying to join my private membership forum, The Slow Beauty Immersion. If you’d like to submit a question, you may do so here.